,特别是里面的语法错误!There are many students with short-sightness and we have conducted a survey on students' eyesight among primary and middle schools.The result was really worrying.It shows that 80 percent of the students are shortsighte

,特别是里面的语法错误!There are many students with short-sightness and we have conducted a survey on students' eyesight among primary and middle schools.The result was really worrying.It shows that 80 percent of the students are shortsighte
,特别是里面的语法错误!
There are many students with short-sightness and we have conducted a survey on students' eyesight among primary and middle schools.The result was really worrying.
It shows that 80 percent of the students are shortsighted and only 20 percent of the students have good eyesight.1 percent of them were once shortsighted and recovered after adjust .Some of them won't have short-sightness because of their genes.Only 12 percent of them looked out for their eyes' clean and health.
I think it's a really big problem and we should take it seriously.Maybe we can take following measures to protect our eyesight.First we should keep our eyes clean and do reading and writing in a right posture.Parents should take care of students' eyes too.For instance,getting their children's eyes chected regularly by a doctor is what they should do.Moreover,school should provide good environment for students ,such as well-lit rooms.

,特别是里面的语法错误!There are many students with short-sightness and we have conducted a survey on students' eyesight among primary and middle schools.The result was really worrying.It shows that 80 percent of the students are shortsighte
We conducted a survey among primary and middle schools students' eyesight and found out that many students with short-sightness .The result is really worrying.
It shows that 80 percent of the students are shortsighted and only 20 percent of the students have good eyesight.1 percent of them were once shortsighted and recovered after adjustment .Some of them won't have short-sightness because of their genes.Only 12 percent of them looked out for their eyes' clean and health.
I think it's a really big problem and we should take it seriously.Maybe we can take following measures to protect our eyesight.Firstly,we should keep our eyes clean and keep a right posture while reading and writing.Secondly,Parents should pay more attention to children' eyes too.For instance,they can take their children to see oculist regularly .Moreover,school should provide good environment to students ,such as well-lit rooms.
在句子的串连方面作了一些调整,补了一两个介词,其它都挺好的.

这句 I think it's a really big problem and we should take it seriously.我认为应换成serious，i think用in my opinion或as far as i am concerned好点 其他真的很不错了 楼主很厉害呀

adjust应为adjustment.short--eyesighted.

提个小意见，
倒数第三行的那句“Parents....students` ...too.”
此处的students·换成 children是不是搭配些呢。